Wherein does your worth lie?


Wherein does your worth lie? I was asked that question about 5 years ago. I was 45 years old and I fell apart, cried uncontrollably because I realized I didn’t have an answer to that question. After a few awkward attempts att answers, still convinced I had to perform in som way ”Because I can love…?”, the person who asked the question looked at me and said ”Because you are you”. I fell apart again. Could it really be like that? That I was worthy no matter what I did or didn’t do? No matter what I said or didn’t say? No matter who I was, tried or not tried to be? This became an important pivotal point for me, one of the most important in my life. Because I could have kept going, forever and ever, doing everything that stood in my power to prove myself worthy. But what was I supposed to do know, when I had nothing to prove?… Who was I? When I no longer needed to prove myself? When I no longer needed to figure out what the next step would be to do what I was doing even better?

This has since been with me as a steady companion. I am so deeply grateful for that question, so simple, yet so enormously powerful! And exactly what I needed to hear at the time. What’s happened since then? A lot, and it’s still happening, the journey is obviously not over. I think the journey never is, it’s always ongoing, in one way or another, evolving, changing. 

Do I fully feel that way now? That I’m worthy just by being? That I no longer need to prove anything? No longer need to perform? Sort of, more than then at least. It goes upp and down. Some days I feel that all the way through. They’re days filled with flow, complete presence, mindfulness. They’re amazing! It’s a euphoric feeling! I hardly think about what I’m going to do, I just do because I’m filled with inspiration and energy, the day doesn’t have enough hours and I long to continue the next day. Other days it doesn’t come by itself, I do self doubt and everything feels heavier. The difference is I have tools to change that, I know I can choose something different, I know I can choose not to remain in the self doubt. And the cool thing about it is that the more I use the tools the less I need them.

What kind of tools are they? A lot has been about choosing to look at how I treat myself, how I think about myself, what I treat myself to, what I say to myself, what I give myself and how I take care of myself. I’ve received help, lot’s of help to change a lot of this so I can be kind to myself, take care of myself in the best possible way. On a more practical basis apart from yoga and meditation, which help me stay present and mindful, I make active choices on what I want to fill my day with. They’re techniques that help me get in the right state so that I can enjoy my day as much as possible. Because the state I’m in makes all the difference.

Imagine you wake up in the morning and remember something crappy that happened the day before. For many of us this means that we step into these memories, feel frustrated, angry, irritated, and we take this with us affecting the whole outcome of the day. What if you could actively choose something else? What if you could bring forth a memory that fills you with joy, excitement, curiosity, and let this fill your day? Which one would you rather choose?

Because that’s just the thing, we have the ability to choose, and that’s what makes all the difference. And the more we choose the positive states the easier it becomes for the brain to choose this as you morning memory on an automatic basis. Here I want to ad that I don’t believe there are bad or good states or feelings, it’s a question of if it’s useful. If we don’t choose actively our primitive preprogrammed brain will choose for us. We are biologically programmed to notice things that bring upp negative feelings and states (fear, resentment, anger, etc) 4 times more than things that bring upp positive feelings and states (joy, love, excitement, etc). This is a survival instinct to help us notice things that could be fatally dangerous: a venomous snake, a hungry lion, etc. But if we actively choose to be in the good feeling states, the easier it becomes for the brain to choose this to wake up to instead of focusing on yesterdays crappy meeting, irritation over the laundry, the row with your partner, the car that broke, again…

You have the opportunity to chose what you want to fill your life with!

What do you choose?

Drop me a line and let me know!

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